Confessions of a yogi

I started 2021 with the goal to connect back to myself and my passions, mainly yoga.

But the challenge was my relationship with yoga had been severely damaged, like a bad break-up, and getting back into it was more difficult that I had anticipated. So I started with getting back to myself first…enter the 75 Hard Challenge. If you know, you know…but if you don’t, all good, 75 Hard is a beautifully challenging way to see exactly what you’re made of at your core level. It tests you on a physical, mental, intellectual, and spiritual level, at least this is how I interpreted my progress through the challenge. And with pure grit and determination I finished 75 straight days of this intense challenge.

The 75H made me question everything, what I consumed, where I spent my time, what I read or didn’t read, and most importantly how I wanted to live my life. Living in a numbed out state was no longer good enough and I am thankful I was able to work through a lot of my blocks within this container. I admit being in lockdown and not having kids created a space for me to really commit and go deep into self discovery…hats off to all of the parents and care givers out there that get the damn thing done anyway!

In the midst of the 75H I was given the non-negotiable opportunity to go through a spiritual awakening and an intense dark night of the soul experience that last about a month. This period of time plagued me with questions of my own existence, the dark state of the planet, and terrifying nightmares and paranormal type sensations. Honestly it was a terrifying time, and one I had no idea how to communicate about…so I grounded down into the 75H challenge and reached for my husband when the nightmares woke me out a dead sleep into a state of sheer panic. I also started buying a boat-load of crystals and sage, lol.

In hindsight I probably should have talked to someone about what I was experiencing, but I was self-conscious, embarrassed, and felt like I was off my rocker! But by the end of the 75H I was feeling more like myself, I had some healthy habits that kept me grounded, and I was able to manage my stress and anxiety a bit better.

My healing journey had taken root and I was now at a place where I could make decision from a place of clarity and rest. From this place my healing journey evolved into a healing spiritual journey. I know the terms that I will start to use can be activating for some, honestly they still activate me from time to time, words like spiritual and God, and I often replace these with soulful and Source energy, but please know these words only hold the value and meaning we give them and I will always come from a place of love, compassion, and respect, free from dogma and religious limitations.

After 75 Hard, certain things and experiences began to align and I easily moved into the deepest practice of embodiment I’ve ever felt!

In love & light,

Melissa

Next confession…My relationship with Yoga begins to heal, with a little help from my friends :)