Confessions of a yogi
With a little help from my friends I was able to create a safe container for my relationship with yoga to heal…
At the beginning of 2021 my inkling to start teaching again had become a constant pull on my mind. I knew I wanted to teach but I didn’t know if I actually remembered how to teach.
My teaching career in Vancouver had been one of the most fulfilling times in my life, I was a confident and innovative teacher, I could teach a diverse level class with ease and even enjoyed the challenge of having advanced and beginner student in the same class. During this time I lived and breathed yoga, I practiced daily in a studio, I taught as many classes as I could, and I usually spent my evening stretching on the floor in front of the tv or in the kitchen hanging with friends. I’ll share more on my teaching journey in another confession, but the point I’d like to make here is, my teaching had a lot of muscle memory behind it; from verbal cueing to hands on adjustments to being able to navigate a room full of students - I was questioning how I could do all of these things in a pandemic environment?
2021 ended a 5 year hiatus from teaching…did I still have the skills to lead in a safe and confident way? Did I have the heart to go down this teaching road again? Who was I as a teacher now that so much had changed, what did I actually have to offer? I felt like I needed training wheels to get started again, especially in this completely different teaching environment that Covid had created. I couldn’t just hop into a studio and whip up a class anymore, so how was I supposed to start?
Enter my Puke Goals crew! This amazing clutch of humans formed after Covid shut down our common gym; we were still allowed to gather outdoors so we started meeting weekly, sometimes more, to get our workouts in; all lead by our former kickboxing instructor - his mission…to make us puke, hence the affectionately named WhatsApp chat and group. Out of these gruelling workouts the need arose for some balance, I would often lead the stretching at the end of class and one day a friend suggested we use a common grassy space for me to teach. I jumped on this opportunity before my wee ego brain could even think of talking me out of it!
This started a four month stretch of teaching a weekly outdoor class to my lovely Puke Goals friends. I had a safe space to teach people who I knew and who wanted me to succeed, I cannot thank them enough for their support and kindness as I found my voice again and the slow return of muscle memory clicked back into place. By the end of that Summer I was ready to put a formal offering out there and teach to the public!
The other big shift in my relationship with yoga was my decision to open up to all of yoga. While my former practice focused mainly on asana, pranayama and meditation, it was in hindsight incomplete. I think this is partly why personal trauma broke my yoga relationship, my practice didn’t have the gumption to support me in a truly deep and connected way. So I decided to begin at the beginning, reading the Yoga Sutras and Bhagavad Gita, inspiring me to connect more to the spiritual side of my yoga practice. I began to peal back the layers of myself through introspection, reframing, rethinking, and intentional healing and eventually letting go of old identities ~ this allowed a beautiful unfolding of healing events and opportunities that continue to this very moment and will probably continue as far as the soul can see.
Two things I learned in this leg of my journey; firstly, the importance of your tribe. I have many amazing people and tribes in my life and they all contributed in some way to bringing my heart back to my practice. And secondly, don’t be afraid to start again, to be your authentic self, and to let yourself shine as bright as the dang sun! There is no one, repeats NO ONE, on this planet like you, the world needs your gifts, the world needs you to be you!
By mid Summer I felt like more of my authentic self, I had a new love affair with yoga :) and I was ready to take my journey inward deeper. Serendipitously this is when Reiki entered my orbit and the journey took a plunge straight into the deep end!
In love & light
Melissa
My next confession…learning to shift and channel energy!
